


Something

by Faal



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Ep. 21., Post-Annie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 19:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10646496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faal/pseuds/Faal
Summary: His jaw clenched, his back tense. Nothing. This is, there is Nothing.





	Something

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not doing anything what needs formatting ever again.

“Tell me what should I do.”  
“You don’t have to do anything.”  
“And just leave you like this?”  
“Yes, just leave me like this. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”  
Erwin stood at the door of Levi’s room, looking utterly helpless. The Captain just stared back, pale face too blank to be natural, even for him. He was sitting on his bed, clothes disheveled and still damp from a mechanical bath, one bandaged foot pulled up close to his torso.  
They were silent for a long moment, the only thing coming to interrupt them the faraway noises from the barracks.  
When Erwin finally left, his presence became a vacant, aching spot in the dim darkness of the room. Levi curled in on his tight, letting the thick _nothing_ filling up the room seep under his skin. He thought about it, submerging, he embraced it, let it slowly overflow him, feeling it clashing over his head. His jaw clenched, his back tense. _Nothing. This is, there is Nothing._  
Images crept closer from the dark depths of the room. A light laughter, a glimpse of flying amber - a body in the air, gracelessly motionless. Blood splattering on stones - on wood, smearing -, more laughter. Levi dug his fingers into his calf. A silent, friendly pat on his back, then a lingering scent of a woman whom he never knew - a woman who waited for someone who wouldn’t come back anymore. A toothy grin for a minute, crinkling of dark eyes. Wide eyes, surrounded by the too-long grass of an area abandoned by humanity.  
Levi knew this, this state, and was too old to give in. He was Humanity’s strongest. For all the people who believed that, for his own pride, he was not letting his emotions control him. Only stupid rookies did that and he had seen too much already. (What did he do to deserve life.) _There is nothing to think about. There is Nothing. Nothing._  
He didn’t notice how hard every muscle in his body tensed up. His teeth ground together, one hand still digging into his calf, the other clutching his injured foot, crushing the miniature bones in it together. All the physical pain dissolved in the dark _Nothing_ he forced close to himself, feeding something he labeled oblivion but knew as pain.  
_Hange would kill me for this,_ a thought emerged. _And then?_  
Shit. Hold it together, fuck!   
If he was conscious enough he could already feel dark bruises forming under his fingers. But he was too far gone in his own head, in trying to drown in something other than his thought, his memories and guilt. He forced himself to think of something else, of nothing, chasing a state what wasn’t really better, but seemed easier. _Nothing._

 _It wasn’t a good idea to chase Erwin away. He was worried about me, just wanted to help. And now he probably feels hurt, the emotional dork he is._ Guilt creeped up his back, this time something lighter, brighter than the abyss grabbing for him from a forest over Wall Maria. Then a flash of peach-colored skin came up in his wavering _Nothing._  
FUCK that! I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’T CARE.   
It felt like an eternity passed, and he just didn’t want to move. They were after a mission, he could surely give himself a few more minutes to rest. Not that he knew what time was it: it could have been minutes or hours as far as he knew. The changing light coming from his window long ago dissolved into the background. Time had a strange consistency. Not that it mattered. The good thing in being an officer is having a place further away from all the noise, all the _life_. No one would bother him for a while after today. 

And then there was a knock on the door, soft, but firm, not polite enough to miss. Levi swallowed heavily, trying to push down everything. If someone needed him as a Captain… (Who was he kidding, he knew exactly who that knock belonged to.) He didn’t talk though: he couldn’t trust his voice.  
He hadn’t needed to answer. The door was pushed open, Erwin backing in awkwardly, then shutting the door with one foot, covering the room in darkness again. He softly placed a tray with bread, water, something akin to soup and a cup of dark liquid on the floor beside the bed. Levi just watched, the knot in his throat too big. _Pathetic. Nothing._  
The tall figure of his Commander dipped the bed next to him. The silent and the darkness remained, but the Nothing has started to subtly change. It became lighter to breathe yet harder to bear. It weighed down Levi with the pressure of the _impossible_. Impossible to run, impossible to contain. It shifted to become too much. The forced balance no more maintainable.  
His body moved out of nothing, the force of all the muscles stained to ripping behind it. A clenched fist collided with hardness, the pain cutting through his fog of pain, remaining _Nothing_ , cloudily floating shreds of aching willforce. 

For the briefest moment everything stilled. His back to Erwin ( _why he was even here_ ), fist on the wall. Then the Captain’s small but lean frame, slumped over already, collapsed on the bed. He curled up, making a pained ball of flesh out of himself, letting his mind sink, the steel-tense emotions melting and bleeding out of him, wetting the sheets under his eyes and disappearing into sweat-soaked locks of dark hair. 

***

Later into the night Levi woke with a blanket draped over him, a warm hand covering his injured ankle. The room was still dark, the tray’s unruly outlines barely showing themselves on the floor as he sat up. He just stared again, at Erwin’s body leaning on the wall, sitting on the end of the bed, one hand extended in an uncomfortable position, his breathing slow, deep.  
_What is he even doing._

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about half a year ago, then promptly forgot about it.  
> All the hugs and thanks to Valisi for betaing the first version, and to Miriana for the second and the help with placing the damn italics! You are my saviors <3
> 
> Kudos to everyone who read / gives feedback! \o/ (°*°)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm doing nothing on Tumblr under Sithiere.


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